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$The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \$	The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass' Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 182 seconds Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions. Related: badass, capital, comedy, court, death, fake, funny, justice, law, news, penalty, punishment, satire, supreme

	The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 161 seconds Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls. Related: brothers, comedy, cyrus, disney, funny, hannah, jonas, miley, montana, onion, teens

	The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 180 seconds Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper. Related: barack, comedy, election, fake, funny, john, mccain, news, obama, politics, satire, voting

	Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 145 seconds For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008. More coverage at: http://onion.com Related: barack, clinton, election, hillary, john, mccain, obama, politics, president, voting

	The Onion: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 180 seconds Breaking News, officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com Related: crash, internet, onion, technology, the

	Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 161 seconds After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game. Related: brady, comedy, football, funny, giants, jacksonville, jaguars, manning, onion, satire, superbowl, tom

	The Onion: Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 146 seconds Experts are still trying to determine the effect of the concentric circles on the long squiggly green objects located in the blue area. More coverage: http://onion.com Related: disaster, news, onion, the

	Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 195 seconds Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president. Related: barack, comedy, election, fake, florida, funny, john, machine, mccain, news, obama, onion, palin, sarah, satire, voting

	In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized? Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 198 seconds Panelists discuss whether Halloween candy and costumes have distracted us from placating demons to ensure a bountiful harvest. Related: comedy, fake, funny, halloween, news, onion, satire

	The Onion: 12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 178 seconds Two prospective Eagle Scouts explain how they are preventing breast cancer by helping women examine their breasts. Related: boy, breasts, children, comedy, funny, onion, scouts, teens, women

	The Onion: Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 144 seconds Today Now! has the story of an 8-year-old whose demand for never-ending wish fulfillment may force the Make-A-Wish Foundation to shut down. More coverage at: http://onion.com Related: children, foundation, health, make, news, wish

	Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole? Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 125 seconds With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in the desert. Related: bailout, business, comedy, fake, funny, money, news, onion, paulson, recession, satire

$YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A \$	YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A 'Good' Video Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 152 seconds YouTube is offering a cash prize to the first user to upload a video with a shred of originality or artistic merit. Related: comedy, contest, fake, funny, news, onion, satire, youtube

$Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\$	Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain's Base Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 186 seconds Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible. Related: 2008, barack, comedy, election, funny, john, mccain, obama, onion, palin, sarah, satire

	The Onion: Gifted Youngster Sells Cookies To Buy Attack Ad Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 164 seconds In this installment of Beyond The Facts, a precocious 8-year-old girl participates in grown-up politics by spreading smears and lies. Related: 2008, ad, attack, barack, comedy, election, funny, john, mccain, obama, onion, politics

	Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 161 seconds A recent election poll indicates vegan independents and skydiving widowers are among the groups that will have a major impact in November. Related: 2008, barack, election, john, mccain, obama, onion, politics, president, satire

	The Onion: Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff In 11,680th Day Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 151 seconds The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades. Related: bush, comedy, fake, funny, india, jihad, muslim, news, nuclear, onion, pakistan, satire, weapons

	The Onion: Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 161 seconds In The Know: Panelists discuss the complicated issues facing Nigeria or Niger. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com Related: africa, news, nigeria, onion, the

$The Onion: \$	The Onion: 'No Values Voters' Search For Most Evil Candidate Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 118 seconds Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly. Related: 2008, barack, comedy, election, evil, fake, funny, house, john, mccain, news, obama, onion, white

	The Onion: McCain Left On Campaign Bus Overnight Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 159 seconds Campaign officials downplayed the incident, saying the senator was fine as soon as he was fed and taken to the bathroom. Related: barack, comedy, fake, funny, john, mccain, news, obama, onion, palin, sarah, satire

	Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To South Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 132 seconds Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass beneath them instead. Related: comedy, fake, funny, hurricane, katrina, mexico, news, onion, satire, texas, weather, weatherman

	The Onion:Is The Government Spying On Schizophrenics Enough? Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 139 seconds In The Know: Panelists discuss ways to care for the nation's paranoid schizophrenics, such as hiding cameras in their homes or audio transmitters in their ears. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com Related: health, news, onion, paranoid, the

	Economists Warn Anti-Bush Product Market Close To Collapse Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 162 seconds The sudden drop in demand for "Buck Fush" T-shirts and "Hail to the Chimp" posters could leave millions unemployed. Related: bush, cheney, comedy, fake, funny, george, impeach, news, onion, satire

	Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks Posted by: TheOnion Video duration: 142 seconds Overjoyed civil rights leaders say that Barack Obama has paved the way for future black politicians to be smeared as country club snobs. Related: barack, comedy, election, fake, funny, john, mccain, news, obama, onion, politics, satire

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